Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States. They affect 40 million adults, or 18% of the population. That's a lot of people!
If you are one of those people who has an anxious mom, her anxiety probably impacts you as well. Maybe it feels like you're walking on eggshells when you interact, afraid you'll somehow trigger her anxiety. Or you get tired of her constant questions. Reassuring her feels almost like you’re caring for her instead of the other way around. Maybe it's even difficult to ask her for help because it feels like she's too wrapped up in her own anxiety.
Tips for Coping With Your Mom's Anxiety
It's not easy living with an anxious parent. Here are some tips to help you cope:
Learn About Anxiety Disorders
When you constantly feel the struggle of having a parent with high anxiety, it can be hard to be anything but annoyed. Even offended at times. But by understanding what your mom is going through, you can have more empathy and patience.
Therefore, my first tip is to try to understand what her anxiety is all about. Anxiety disorders can be caused by a variety of things, such as genetics, brain chemistry, or past trauma. Once you understand what's going on, it might be easier to have empathy for her.
Set Boundaries with Your Parent As Needed
It may feel strange, uncomfortable or awkward to set boundaries with your parents at first. However, if your mom's anxiety is really starting to wear on you, you may need to set boundaries at some point. This may mean agreeing on some expectations/guidelines about how she can interact with you.
It's important to communicate with her about what you need from her. It's okay to tell your mom that you need some space or that you can't handle her anxiety right now. You might even need to distance yourself physically if her anxiety is really bad.
For example, if she's constantly texting or calling you to check in, you can ask her to only do so once per day. Now, that of course only works if you're already an adult yourself. Setting boundaries may look very different for teenagers or young adults still living at home.
Encourage Mom to Care for Her Own Mental Health
Consider talking to your mom about her anxiety and how it affects you. This can be a difficult conversation, but it will help you both understand each other better.
I'm going to be honest. This is a tricky one. I've worked with a number of teenagers who are triggered by their mom's anxiety. Most have difficulty expressing their concern about her mental health to her. But even when they do, it often falls on deaf ears.
So, while it's ok to suggest that she get help or to offer to help her find a therapist, you may need to acknowledge that you can't control her actions. You may see that she needs support and would feel better if her anxiety was more manageable. However, only she can make the decision to seek out help.
Find Support Other Places
Seek outside support. Talk to other family members or friends about what you're going through. Find a therapist who can help you deal with your mom's anxiety and how it's impacting you.
It can be really tough carrying the weight of your mom's anxiety on your own. And it may mean you don't turn to her at times you wish you could. But it's important to still find support.
You will have times where you need someone to talk things through with, ask for advice, etc. And that's ok. It's normal for everyone to need support sometimes. So, if you don't feel comfortable talking to your mom identify other key people in your life you can turn to. Think about grandparents, aunts/uncles, family friends, trusted instructors, etc.
Focus on Your Own Self Care
Make sure to take care of yourself. This is probably the most important tip on this list. When you're dealing with a lot of stress, it's easy to forget to meet your own basic needs. And it can be even more difficult to care for yourself when you're also worrying about your parent's anxiety or needs.
But if you're not taking care of yourself, it will be that much harder to deal with your mom's emotions.
So, make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and exercising regularly. Try to find some activities that help you relax and destress. And don't forget to give yourself some grace. You're doing the best you can in a difficult situation.
Validate Your Own Emotions
It's normal to have a range of emotions when you're dealing with your mom's anxiety. You may feel scared, alone, helpless, confused, frustrated or even resentful. You may feel guilty for feeling some of those emotions. Or wish you were more patient.
And you may not be getting validation from your mom or even other people around you. Others may tell you to be more patient with her. She may at times say that your actions cause her anxiety or her anxiety may result in her questioning your emotions.
But it's important to remember that your emotions are valid. They make sense given the situation you're in. And it's ok to not be ok all the time. Coping with an anxious parent is hard work. So, cut yourself some slack and be gentle with yourself. If it helps, check out this article I wrote awhile back describing different ways you can validate your own emotions. I truly think this is an important part of coping when you're not getting the validation you need elsewhere.
Acknowledge the Impact Her Anxiety Has on You
This is something I think a lot of people struggle with. They try to downplay how their parent's anxiety affects them. But the truth is, it can have a big impact.
When we're constantly around someone who's anxious it's easy to start feeling anxious ourselves. It can also cause us to distance ourselves from that person or avoid them completely. And that can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and loneliness.
It's important to acknowledge the impact her anxiety has on you and to accept all of your emotional responses as valid. Not only will this help you understand your own emotions better but it may also motivate you to seek outside support or find other ways to cope.
Remember, You're Not Alone
If you're struggling to cope with your mom's anxiety, know that you're not alone. This is a difficult situation to be in. But her anxiety is not your fault. It's ok to feel a wide range of emotions. And setting boundaries to protect your own mental health (if done in a respectful way) is not selfish.
Counseling for Anxious Women & Their Families
It's hard to live with anxiety. And it's hard to be the family of someone with an anxiety disorder. But the good news is that counseling can help both of you. Counseling is a remarkably effective form of anxiety treatment. And, even if you aren't the person with the anxiety disorder , it can still be really beneficial to talk to a therapist about how anxiety is impacting your life and what you can do to manage your own emotions and to interact in as healthy of a way as possible.
Anxiety Treatment & Support in Missouri
If you need someone to talk to, or if your mom is up for starting therapy herself, don't hesitate to reach out to our office. Our therapists specialize in treating anxiety. We understand how difficult it can be to deal with anxiety day in and day out. And we know the impact it can happen on your entire family.
We offer in-person counseling at our Columbia, MO office as well as our Lee's Summit, MO office (coming soon but can offer Walk & Talk therapy right now). But we also have the ability to offer online counseling for Missouri residents outside of the Mid-Missouri/Kansas City area.
You don't have to go through this alone. We're here to help.
If you or your mom are interested in starting therapy, please give us a call at (573) 328-2288 or fill out our online form to schedule an appointment. We offer a free 30-minute consultation to see if our services are right for you. We look forward to hearing from you!
Additional Resources Related to Anxiety:
Common Types of Anxiety Disorders
How to Help Someone Having a Panic Attack
What to Talk About in Therapy Sessions for Anxiety
Using Paced Breathing to Cope with Anxiety
Dating Anxiety
Guide to Online Anxiety Treatment
Tips for Prioritizing Your Mental Health as a Busy Parent
Why Mom's Mental Health Matters
Managing Work Stress
Dental Anxiety
Exposure in Anxiety Treatment
